Chelsea: sleepless nights Part 1

We know there are only a few months to go when the Chelsea nightmares start to kick in. I’ve had my first: the protagonist knows who he is as I called him in the cold light of day to tell him off about his appearance in my dream, in which he, at the 2012 show, decides to change his design at the last minute, incorporating, instead of the proposed structure, a life-size galleon made of Playmobil. The garden was accessorised by matching pine wardrobes and  chests of drawers.

I have absolutely no idea where this would come from, but if a ship appears on Main Avenue in May, you heard it here first.